out of my pieces

bring beauty and life

out of this grave where I lie buried and suffocated by doubt.

You can, I know You can!

like when You died.

Jesus, when You bled and suffered and were nailed to the cross.

You too were buried.

but God raised you up and brought life and glory!

where there was

pain and death and separation.

meet me here in the storm, in my darkest hour–

my faith wavering and my body trembling.

they say pain makes good art,

and You work suffering for my good.

so make a masterpiece out of my pieces, Master,

and somehow stitch them all together, like You said You would.

\ lea /

plant me soon

we all do it, but who knew I did it?

empty ache

hopes to be filled

with the praise of others.

come, bring your flowers of praise

to my sandy terracotta!

fill me

for I sit empty.

but your flowers wither —

oh, why do they wither?

clarity reveals pride

in the flowers you gave me.

somehow I forgot

that my name is not terracotta, clay,

just an empty pot wasting away.

in You, Jesus,

I am a garden alive.

a bouquet will wither —

but flowers planted, rooted, grounded —

when love is known and truth is felt —

will survive the turbulence of weather.

plant me soon, for the sun is fading and the

clouds are coming.

\ lea /

a battleground

surging, searching, determined manhunt –
dodging limbs of trees and arrows of foes,
then caught on some problematic trivia.
must. find. answers.

battleground mentality for a week —
each false footman is shot down,
one by one,
as the archer recklessly pursues his victory.

all-consuming confusion & desire for answers —
spare thoughts & idle moments
turn to
purposed, time-stealing focus…

.

P E A C E.

let there be peace.

my God is not confusion!
No.
He is a God of peace,
He is love Himself.

and truth and love coincide.

.

in my hurried preoccupation & obsession
a certainty of hope, a truth greater than me, calls me on —
a lighthouse in the dark of doubt & skepticism.

truth can be found.
truth must be found.

and JESUS,
I know
I know
I KNOW.

it’s you.

the way, the truth, the life.

sent from God, one with God, enthroned as God!

oh JESUS, keep calling me, keep holding onto me.

You are the truth!

\ lea /

september

Green leaves burn orange;
And trees fall sticks;
Clouds bring rain;
Breeze brings fall.

Time passes,
Slowly in the moment,
Quickly at the end.
Time passes.

And the question,
Avoided,
Unwanted,
Comes to mind.

Am I in the right place?

.

but this feeling is only restlessness,
which comes with transition.
and I know I can rest,
knowing Your heart’s disposition:

to love me
and to have me find my all in You.

\ lea /

heart formation

plastic heart
no. play-doh heart.
decomposing, squishing, out of form
when not reshaped consistently.

my heart will not stay
the shape it’s meant to,
if I let it wander like a deer
through woods of doubt and despair.

but let truth take hold,
let heart be formed by truth,
let truth repeated turn into confidence,
heart resting in truth and grace.

God keep shaping my heart with your truth.

\ lea /

hold on to me

[He was faithful and did hold on.]

God, you’re gonna have to hold onto me,
Because I will literally run away.
Not because you’re not good — you’re so good and I know it.
I don’t know why, but I don’t only want you.

It’s like I want the Gospel but I don’t want it to touch every part of my life.
I want to be mature but I sometimes don’t care enough to work towards it.
I want a godly man but I’m not trying hard to be a godly woman.

But I don’t know what it is I’m living for if not You!
and I know in my head and heart that You made me to be satisfied in You…

I feel like I can’t win.
But now I know that this distance is just sin.
And in this season that I’m in
I don’t want to rejoice in my wandering.

Psalm 37:3-4
“Trust in the Lord and do good
Dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

\ lea /

uncertainty

Coffee drip
Coffee sip
Waiting

I want to hurry up and know
Decide and move along
Keep it black and white, up-front and honest

But life doesn’t work like that

Life’s a cloudy, hazy gray
Foamy, swirling half-and-half

If I hurry up and move

blaze forward my own trail
in independence and liberty

I will miss the best part
I will miss the sweetest part

Leaning into the Father who knows all things,
who has all things in His hands.

Why would I sacrifice that for empty clarity?
I’d rather have purpose-filled patience.

Leaning, falling, resting, trusting.
Why?

Because the legs of my own wisdom and insight
Are faulty and weak,

Shaking and quaking,
Leaving my brewing pot of coffee
Rocking, tipping, falling, pouring, crashing, shattered.

Black & white clarity
Like an A+ or a letter of acceptance, a reality of hope and knowledge
Shows me what to do

but

gray uncertainty
teaches me to rest and trust and stop blazing,
shows me how to be

how to be still and breathe in the midst of not knowing.

.

but I know that waiting isn’t forever.
and some day there will be clarity,
but even then, life will be uncertain…
so for now, I take the opportunity to rest in Him.

\ lea /

Remind me.

Do I forget
that my whole being
is meant to grip tightly to Your cross?

My wandering heart
was created to cling to You,
no matter the cost.

My soul, my very essence,
Exists to be enthralled with You,
my Sovereign God.

Yet I forget:

That here at Your feet
is where I am whole,
where I find all for which I have sought.

Remind me
that You are enough,
and let me forget the things that are not.

\ lea /

inward struggle

I worry that I don’t fully hate the dark.
I want to fight the dark,
but I wonder, do I enjoy the fight
more than I enjoy the light?

sometimes I enjoy the struggle.
I want to stay and soak in the sorrow,
but pain has no beauty
unless beauty comes from pain.

\ lea /

Subjugated Struggle: An Alliteration of Hope.

Mom made me a mask of marked material,
To taper the transmission of the treachery.
Pastel paisley patterns printed as a pretty promise of protection —
Can concealing & covering keep corona from conspiring?

Fancy fabric forces a fading fantasy —
Look lacy & laughing while losing your luminosity.
Hopeful heart hates this harrowing hoax,
Uncovers the unimaginable ugliness of our unseen urgency.

But a better benediction belongs to believers!
Despite decorating disaster with delicate detail,
Hope is hardly home in hell-ish hold of humankind.
Rather– raise our ripening, rushing, resounding, restlessness —

See our Savior standing and savor his singing!
Songs of sovereignty, sanctification, and superseding sacrifice,
Subjugating sickly, striving sorrow,
To secure surpassing and superior splendor.

\ lea /